He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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