Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
