its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
