I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
