Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
