I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
