then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
