Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
