I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think I sprained my soul last night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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