If that was your dad, he is hot
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
