What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
whose parrot is this?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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