My nipple is on Facebook.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
