what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
