If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
