I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
