I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
