My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
