At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
