I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
