There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
