cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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