Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
