Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
