So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
