isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
