I hate all girls vehemently.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
now i know why i became what i already was.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
