My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
