Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
