I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
