I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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