I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
