My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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