True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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