we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
