You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I smell like Dick and happiness
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
