It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
