She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
