I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
