do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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