i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
we're so committed to being not committed
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
