Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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