So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
