you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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