Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
