I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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