After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We need a shit load of segways right now
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
