i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
