she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
