Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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