My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
