Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
