The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize