I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
