Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
